Confrontation Therapy: Why I am overexposing myself

and the single one criteria that I use to decide whether to take on a new task or not

Last week I wrote about how broke I am. I have this hippie idea that if I do what I love, money will come later. I am convinced that I am being taken care of and I trust in my own good.

Soul searching

That doesn‘t mean though that I lean back and wait for things to come. After burrowing in for the last six months, learning stuff online and doing some soul searching, it is now time to get out there. Tremendously and without mercy.

The online courses often addressed American women in their thirties to fifties. They are not happy with the kind of life they lead right now and need fundamental change. They have already done and experienced so much that their daily life is cluttered with unnecessary expectations and tasks.

The time is now

I am still at the beginning, not having any commitments whatsoever. Now is the time to plunge in. I am doing so much stuff now: setting up a business of my own, building an online forum for primary teachers, doing the marketing for a social enterprise, following up some proposals for a tree planting project, producing a monthly video for my friends and family, paving the way to go back to Germany, preparing an ecotourism course and an exchange program for agriculture students, initiating Entrepreneur Café and a Live Your Legend Local Meetup in Nairobi.

One single thing that helps me decide

That sounds like a lot. But I deliberately decided to stress myself out. I want to see where my limits are. Under one condition: Doing stuff I love. I love all that I listed above and I consider it the right thing to do. I believe it will not only benefit myself a great deal but also others. And I go with my gut feeling. And that is positive so far.

Throwing myself out there

I have to connect with real people now. Dealing with myself only made me a bit instable, just like playing in a sterilised room all day will make children weak and unfit to go out and face the real world with all its germs. I realised that going out is a challenge for me. The only medicine for that is confrontation therapy. If I commit to do stuff with and for others, there is no other way but to go and do it anyway.

Out of the comfort zone – and back in

I know where my comfort zone ends and I know that it is going to be healthy to leave it every now and then, but I also know how to get back to it when things become rough.

How do you cope? Are you throwing yourself into a similar adventure? What are you involved in?

Let me know in the comments or on facebook. And in order to not miss anything anymore, join the list for love straight to your inbox.

I will be broke in half a year.

But I am not scared enough to care.

I was raised and educated to be employed. It never crossed my mind to become an entrepreneur. Not even when I had finished all my studies and moved to Kenya. I was sure I’d find a job.

Of course I didn’t. I didn’t try hard enough and during the two interviews I was invited to it became clear that they weren’t looking for me. They were looking for an ideal person whom I am not willing to try to be.

I want to be me and I want to do exactly and only the things I consider to be right. That sounds like an entrepreneur – I just didn’t know. I found out only three months ago.

So I did some soul searching, finding my purpose, planning the year, setting goals and so on. I want to build a business from scratch without any knowledge whatsoever on how to do it. I am willing to work my butt off. But I realised, for a while I will continue feeding on the buffer I have saved. And I am slowly running out of it.

The problem is, I never had to earn money before. I used to live on government support for studies, or on a scholarship. Now all these bonuses are gone. I am considered to be a real grown up now, equipped and prepared for the evil outside world out there. Which is, honestly speaking, not at all the case.

I am expected to behave like that grown up. But I don’t want. I don’t want to have to handle insurances and pension options and all that paper stuff.

So here is the deal: Yes, I will build a business from scratch. Without knowing anything. But I am also starting to reach out.

You know how smart people always tell you to focus on only one thing at a time and let go of the rest? Not me! I incubated myself the last six months with online courses and facebook communities – now it’s time to go out and expose myself.

I am involving myself in numerous projects which I will write about here. They involve teaching, leading, marketing and other stuff.

None of my studies prepared me for those things. And none of them will pay me any time soon. But I think they are right and necessary. I truly believe in these things and that is why I want to do them. And I believe I am going to learn more about myself than I ever did before.

I almost wanted to quit writing here after Christmas and focus completely on my business which is not yet in existence. But then I remembered YOU!

Will you join me for the journey? Do you have any advice for a madwoman like me? (Apart from: This sounds insane, you are not going to make it anyway!) Let me know in the comments and share your experience.

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